Happily in Vale-en-twined?

Men better be forewarned! A time of intense mental and psychological anguish is fast coming hither and you only have two options. You can either bolt and run (pun intended) or assume the sitting duck position and get fried for dinner. It’s the month of love. Be afraid, be very afraid…

It’s said that men are Mars and women are from Venus. Probably true. The two sexes are virtually aliens when it comes to emotive issues of the heart like love (whatever that means). This is an argument that can go on for hours on end but it always baffles me how much sentimentality can be pegged to a certain season least of all a specific date. But sentimentality is not the real issue here, it’s the capitalistic dimension which will literally see many burn up their wallets that drives me bonkers. Damn commercialism! Its all in your face; every direction you turn – on the papers, on radio, on the telly, everywhere!

And if you think you are too headstrong (kichwa ngumu) to stem the emotional wave, think again. In the long run you’ll either be cajoled, coerced, blackmailed or - in the worst case scenario - battered into complete submission. Little wonder then, that many will be compelled to shed self-acclaimed machismo in exchange for oddities like shopping for chocolates, flowers and... you guessed it right... lingerie too.

It’s just like the concept of weddings. Why on earth must we focus so much of our energies in planning for a single day that will pass just like any other? I’ve heard all about it being the most important day of your life. I disagree. The most important days of your life are ahead of you soon after the glitz and glamour of exchanging vows begins to fade away the morning after.

Luckily, being an ardent campaigner for singlehood, I’ve long liberated myself from this charade of love and romance. My membership in the bachelors’ club is long term. It’s a status of pure bliss with all benefits. I get to watch whatever I want to watch on telly (especially football), not bother about all the clatter strewn in my cramped pad and once in a while skip a shower without as much as giving a hoot (Thank God for little mercies like deodorants and mouth wash). But wait a minute! Its not all gloom and doom. Love, like hate, is a natural human emotion that can only be appreciated through expression.

A good lady friend of mine recently wrote a great piece of article on the Saturday pullout magazine, Woman’s Instinct, bemoaning the fact that in our society we seldom say the words ‘I love you’ often. And that's precisely my point. It’s a cultural indoctrination we find so hard to divorce ourselves with. Why can’t we have Valentine’s Day on every other day of the year? Not in actual deed, but rather symbolically. The seem argument can be appended for that once in a year very important day. Why can’t we celebrate the birth and life of Jesus Christ 24/7, 365 ¼ days a year as opposed to flocking the shrines come 25th December?

All said and done, it would be foolhardy to deride the emotive power of expressing love whichever way you do it. So this Valentine’s Day - and on all other subsequent days of the year - take some time to share and spread love to that special someone in your life.

A Caged Tiger: The Folly of Personality Branding

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned.
(William Congreve – Playwright)

Men be warned! When a proud woman is cheated on by a philandering husband or lover, social status counts for little. What other logical explanation would there be when a seemingly congenial woman suddenly wakes up one morning brandishing a golf club and with a single swing goes ahead to smash the windscreen of her hubby’s expensive ride?

And she is not done yet. A few days later she is walking out of her $2.6 million home as her utterly dumbfound super famous and mega-rich husband takes a duck from the public glare. Indeed, hell hath no fury….

The controversy surrounding Tiger Woods’ mipango za kando (it wasn’t just one but 12. Talk about a real tiger!) is just being to ebb away but the damage that this sex scandal has caused to his profile might be irrevocable. Regardless though, the guy has won my admiration on two counts; one that he managed to keep it under wraps with one of his multi-clandes for a good 31 months is indeed phenomenal [if you are ‘seriously’ cheating on your partner, something will give you in and she’ll bust your ass within 3 weeks]. And two, that he still had the state of mind to do the right thing of breaking off his golfing career to patch up his marriage. This is a true testimony of the fact that the Tiger hasn’t lost his suaveness a single bit.

Of course, its not in doubt that when he emerges from his self-imposed sabbatical the Tiger will most certainly claw his way back to the top of his game. But of paramount concern to him at the moment seems to be saving his tattered marriage and reconstructing his dented image.

On the flipside, what I find most annoying about this whole saga is the fickleness of the American society. I stand to be corrected on this, but the American society always comes across as one warped in hedonism while still purporting to subscribe to its own high moral standards – a fallacy of self-righteousness.

In a society where divorce is synonymous to marriage with a public that ravenously feeds itself on hero-worship and idolizing top achievers, infidelity is considered suicidal – especially so if you are celebrity. What with a scandal-hungry media and a disloyal public that will very happily pull down a cheating socialite once your bubble bursts.

No wonder the huge profit raking multinationals that only a while back were falling over themselves to project a demi-god image of Tiger Woods are now beating hasty retreats. In Hollywood lingo, its called collateral damage.

A caged tiger is also a lonely tiger; adverts featuring Tiger Woods vanished from American television sets the very seem week the scandal was exposed. [Locally though, the last time I checked one TV channel was still airing a popular sports program featuring Tiger Woods and fellow sportsmen Thierry Henry and Roger Federer .] And just listen to US Telecommunications Company AT&T’s curt statement last week when they finally dumped Woods: “We are ending our sponsorship deal with Tiger Woods and we wish him well in the future.” [That roughly translates to: “Beat it, you jerk!”) Ouch! It hurts.

But in a sense it’s just a prudent business practice, otherwise referred to as damage control. According to two economics professors from University of California, early this week, at the time of AT&T’s termination of its sponsorship deal with Tiger Woods, the scandal had already cost shareholders of companies endorsed by the world No. 1 golfer $5 billion - $12 billion (Sh 375-900 billion)… and still counting!

Still you wonder why successful corporate Nike, AT&T, Gillette, and Accenture Plc chose to go the same way of tying so much money on a personality. As it is man is both fallible and corruptible. Its an all too familiar episode; today its Tiger Woods, yesterday it was Bill Clinton and Kobe Bryant, tomorrow it might just be Roger Federer or perhaps our very own Barrack Obama… who knows?