Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Happily in Vale-en-twined?

Men better be forewarned! A time of intense mental and psychological anguish is fast coming hither and you only have two options. You can either bolt and run (pun intended) or assume the sitting duck position and get fried for dinner. It’s the month of love. Be afraid, be very afraid…

It’s said that men are Mars and women are from Venus. Probably true. The two sexes are virtually aliens when it comes to emotive issues of the heart like love (whatever that means). This is an argument that can go on for hours on end but it always baffles me how much sentimentality can be pegged to a certain season least of all a specific date. But sentimentality is not the real issue here, it’s the capitalistic dimension which will literally see many burn up their wallets that drives me bonkers. Damn commercialism! Its all in your face; every direction you turn – on the papers, on radio, on the telly, everywhere!

And if you think you are too headstrong (kichwa ngumu) to stem the emotional wave, think again. In the long run you’ll either be cajoled, coerced, blackmailed or - in the worst case scenario - battered into complete submission. Little wonder then, that many will be compelled to shed self-acclaimed machismo in exchange for oddities like shopping for chocolates, flowers and... you guessed it right... lingerie too.

It’s just like the concept of weddings. Why on earth must we focus so much of our energies in planning for a single day that will pass just like any other? I’ve heard all about it being the most important day of your life. I disagree. The most important days of your life are ahead of you soon after the glitz and glamour of exchanging vows begins to fade away the morning after.

Luckily, being an ardent campaigner for singlehood, I’ve long liberated myself from this charade of love and romance. My membership in the bachelors’ club is long term. It’s a status of pure bliss with all benefits. I get to watch whatever I want to watch on telly (especially football), not bother about all the clatter strewn in my cramped pad and once in a while skip a shower without as much as giving a hoot (Thank God for little mercies like deodorants and mouth wash). But wait a minute! Its not all gloom and doom. Love, like hate, is a natural human emotion that can only be appreciated through expression.

A good lady friend of mine recently wrote a great piece of article on the Saturday pullout magazine, Woman’s Instinct, bemoaning the fact that in our society we seldom say the words ‘I love you’ often. And that's precisely my point. It’s a cultural indoctrination we find so hard to divorce ourselves with. Why can’t we have Valentine’s Day on every other day of the year? Not in actual deed, but rather symbolically. The seem argument can be appended for that once in a year very important day. Why can’t we celebrate the birth and life of Jesus Christ 24/7, 365 ¼ days a year as opposed to flocking the shrines come 25th December?

All said and done, it would be foolhardy to deride the emotive power of expressing love whichever way you do it. So this Valentine’s Day - and on all other subsequent days of the year - take some time to share and spread love to that special someone in your life.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A Caged Tiger: The Folly of Personality Branding


Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned.

(William Congreve – Playwright)

Men be warned! When a proud woman is cheated on by a philandering husband or lover, social status counts for little. What other logical explanation would there be when a seemingly congenial woman suddenly wakes up one morning brandishing a golf club and with a single swing goes ahead to smash the windscreen of her hubby’s expensive ride?

And she is not done yet. A few days later she is walking out of her $2.6 million home as her utterly dumbfound super famous and mega-rich husband takes a duck from the public glare. Indeed, hell hath no fury….

The controversy surrounding Tiger Woods’ mipango za kando (it wasn’t just one but 12. Talk about a real tiger!) is just being to ebb away but the damage that this sex scandal has caused to his profile might be irrevocable. Regardless though, the guy has won my admiration on two counts; one that he managed to keep it under wraps with one of his multi-clandes for a good 31 months is indeed phenomenal [if you are ‘seriously’ cheating on your partner, something will give you in and she’ll bust your ass within 3 weeks]. And two, that he still had the state of mind to do the right thing of breaking off his golfing career to patch up his marriage. This is a true testimony of the fact that the Tiger hasn’t lost his suaveness a single bit.

Of course, its not in doubt that when he emerges from his self-imposed sabbatical the Tiger will most certainly claw his way back to the top of his game. But of paramount concern to him at the moment seems to be saving his tattered marriage and reconstructing his dented image.

On the flipside, what I find most annoying about this whole saga is the fickleness of the American society. I stand to be corrected on this, but the American society always comes across as one warped in hedonism while still purporting to subscribe to its own high moral standards – a fallacy of self-righteousness.

In a society where divorce is synonymous to marriage with a public that ravenously feeds itself on hero-worship and idolizing top achievers, infidelity is considered suicidal – especially so if you are celebrity. What with a scandal-hungry media and a disloyal public that will very happily pull down a cheating socialite once your bubble bursts.

No wonder the huge profit raking multinationals that only a while back were falling over themselves to project a demi-god image of Tiger Woods are now beating hasty retreats. In Hollywood lingo, its called collateral damage.

A caged tiger is also a lonely tiger; adverts featuring Tiger Woods vanished from American television sets the very seem week the scandal was exposed. [Locally though, the last time I checked one TV channel was still airing a popular sports program featuring Tiger Woods and fellow sportsmen Thierry Henry and Roger Federer .] And just listen to US Telecommunications Company AT&T’s curt statement last week when they finally dumped Woods: “We are ending our sponsorship deal with Tiger Woods and we wish him well in the future.” [That roughly translates to: “Beat it, you jerk!”) Ouch! It hurts.

But in a sense it’s just a prudent business practice, otherwise referred to as damage control. According to two economics professors from University of California, early this week, at the time of AT&T’s termination of its sponsorship deal with Tiger Woods, the scandal had already cost shareholders of companies endorsed by the world No. 1 golfer $5 billion - $12 billion (Sh 375-900 billion)… and still counting!

Still you wonder why successful corporate Nike, AT&T, Gillette, and Accenture Plc chose to go the same way of tying so much money on a personality. As it is man is both fallible and corruptible. Its an all too familiar episode; today its Tiger Woods, yesterday it was Bill Clinton and Kobe Bryant, tomorrow it might just be Roger Federer or perhaps our very own Barrack Obama… who knows?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

World Cup Fever Grips Kenya

Preparations to enable Kenya reap bountiful gains with the coming of the FIFA World Cup in Africa for the first time ever has begun in earnest. This was revealed by Sports Minister, Prof Hellen Sambili, during the launch of the Steering Committee to market Kenya stadia prior to the world football showpiece event to be held from 11th June to 11th July next year in South Africa.

The committee, largely composed of seasoned professionals in the corporate world, will be primarily tasked with the responsibility of actualizing a strategic plan aimed at attracting participating teams and their fans into the country in the run-up to the football extravaganza.

In this grand scheme, the economic spin-offs are expected to be phenomenal; our derelict sports facilities and the tourism sector - that has lately taken some beating – in particular, stand to reap exponential gains.

With traditional world football powerhouses, Brazil, England, the Netherlands and Spain all having booked their flights to South Africa next summer, it is a matter of conjecture that come the end of the 2009-2010 football season, all these teams will be shopping for a suitable locale within the continent to setup camp to fine-tune their preparations for the tournament.

In the past Kenya has been a choice destination as a training base for participants in global sporting events. Ghana’s Blacks Stars have twice in four years set-up base in the country during successive World Cup qualification campaigns. In December 20005, the West African giants pitched tent in Naivasha before spanking South Africa 2-0 in Johannesburg to book a place in the 2006 World Cup in Germany.

In June this year, the Michael Essien-led Stars were back again at the flower-growing town in preparation for a crucial encounter with Sudan in the 2010 qualifiers. Again, they triumphed 2-0 in Khartoum with relative ease; a result that they replicated at their Accra backyard, 3 months later to become the first African nation to earn a place in South Africa.

The 16-man Committee will be headed by Permanent Secretary in the Sports Ministry, Mr. James Waweru while the Sports Stadia Management Board CEO Mr. Benjamin Sogomo will be the Secretary. Other notable members include Gordon Olouch (Commissioner of Sports), Karol Yambo (Managing Director-Kenya Tourist Board), Fred Kaigwa (CEO-Kenya Association of Tour Operators), Julius Kipngetich (CEO-Kenya Wildlife Services), Mathew Iteere (Commissioner of Police), Titus Naikuni (CEO- Kenya Airways), Mike Macharia (CEO-Kenya Association of Hotel Keepers and Caterers), Linus Gitahi (Chair-Media Owners Association), Joshua Chepkwony (Chair-A.D. Group of Companies) and Mary Kimonye (CEO-Brand Kenya)

With the state of decadence that has beset the game in Kenya occasioned by endless administrative wrangles and the near elimination of the Harambee Stars in the 2010 World Cup/Nations Cup running, the initiative to market Kenya through sports tourism will provide some scant relief to the long-suffering followers of the game.

Imperatively, of significance is CECAFA’s confirmation that Kenya had been granted the onus of hosting Africa’s oldest regional tournament after a 17year hiatus. If indeed the country is serious about marketing itself ahead of 2010, then CECAFA Senior Challenge Cup – that will be hosted in Nairobi and Mumias between November 28th and December 13th – will be a good starting point towards this achieving this objective.

On the converse, it still remains to be seen, the degree of involvement the corporate and private sectors will be willing to commit themselves to, bearing in mind the embarrassing expostulation involving the Sports Stadia Management Board (SSMB), the Ministry of Sports and soft drink giant Coca Cola that saw the latter withdraw its 117 million shillings planned sponsorship deal of Nyayo National Stadium over a naming rights fiasco earlier on in the year.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

PHASING-OUT FACEBOOK

Disclaimer: Explicit Content - reader discretion is advised.

“Its official, Facebook is a lifestyle. Two hundred million people, including the Pope, could not be wrong.” This is how one columnist in the Daily Nation’s Friday pullout magazine Zuqka recently put it in a story aptly titled (you guessed it right) “Why I Live In Facebook”.

With your indulgence, I beg to lend my two-cent worth of an opinion to this already too-much talked of subject. For starters, I disagree with the writer on one account. Facebook is not a lifestyle, it’s a movement! Yep, a movement disguised in the form of an addictive ‘social networking’ platform whose hooked membership ‘interact’ on a remote portal. That’s my definition for Facebook!

So Facebook has signed up its 200 millionth member, big deal huh! The trajectory of my warped discourse may already sound like a bare knuckled assault on this digital-age piece of technology that is quickly isolating its unwitting prescribed membership of the very thing that they seek – human contact.

Karl Marx (the real one - not that lunatic former University of Nairobi student’ leader’) once said, “Religion is the opium of the masses”. I paraphrase: The so called ‘social networking’ sites ala Facebook, Twitter and the motley of interactive on-line platforms are the opium of the masses in a digitally controlled world.

This piece is not meant to endear me to the swelling numbers of Facebook addicts. So without butting an eyelid I’ll proceeed to drop my shocker of bombshell. Truth of the matter is, this whole Facebook takeover really pisses me off at times! The world could still spin and go round without Facebook. Come to think of it, seriously, the world actually did spin and go round before this five year old start-up was born in a dorm room thanks to two Harvard University students.

At the risk of becoming the butt of jokes I dare say that I got no love for Facebook. Infact, for very obvious reasons, I think Facebook is somewhat overrated and overused. As preposterous as it may yet sound, I get this feeling that at this very moment, some geek is locked up somewhere engrossed in the encoding process of a new software that will soon make Facebook look like ancient history. Then – and thankfully so - all this talk of Facebook will cease to be. Call me old-fashioned all you want, but I still value human contact in my social interactions. Living all my life in cyberspace (or to put it better, living inside a tube/cable) is the least of my fantasies.

Then again, after spending some bit of time trawling Facebook (ok, I’ve blown my cover here. Am also on Facebook – as a faceless user though), what I find day in day out is myriad of very personal small talk. Surely, if am having a bad hair day at the office must I stand on the roof top to literally tell it to the birds, some in as far flung places with strange names like Timbuktu, Ouagadougou or even Guyana? It takes some bit of twisted psychology for one to claim he or she craves for on-line interaction with unknown strangers, yet everyday all you see around in social places is aloofness, which for lack of a better word is simply baffling.

Why is it that everywhere, be it in a shared seat in the re-emerging overcrowded ‘matatus’ of Nairobi or on a squeezed church pew we are ever ill at ease to look straight in the eye of the person next who in return also peers straight ahead, pretending to be preoccupied in his own thoughts? There is no denying that we are all guilty of this sin at one time or the other. Yet we can’t stop gossiping in those endless back-and-forth trivial exchanges on Facebook.

Added to this are my reservations about plastering an imaginary ‘wall’ with my highly prized photographic profile. Maybe am being a bit paranoid, but with stuff like Photoshop readily available in the public domain, some pervert out there might just relish the chance of doing a ‘Father Kizito’ using my snaps. True, it’s a crazy world! The only thing that I can ever upload to Facebook is a universal symbol like the crucifix or a more cryptic code like my fake signature (which I hardly ever use). Photos are a no-no for me. My relic photo album does it just as well for me at the moment.

But above all else what I find most annoying whenever I login to Facebook is that the damn thing never stops displaying the photo of a chic with whom a one night stand escapade never quite turned out well. It would be an understatement to say that it’s a tragedy that ever since I signed up on Facebook this heartbreak chic’s face keeps popping on my side bar. All that talk of smart technology yet the dumb software can’t even perform a simple vetting process to build a more desirable list of suggested friends!

Enough said about Facebook. All my misgivings not withstanding, though, I won’t dare to attempt converting a movement that commands a greater global following than the Roman Catholic Church. Only those with a bigger heart - and more daring – than Archbishop Emmanuel Milingo can think of attempting that stunt. Live and let live, is my guiding principle. So to all Facebook faithful - continue indulging in your addictive habit until it consumes you!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

THIS BRAND KENYA…

Kenyans are a uniquely proud people. So proud, that we readily embrace anything with the faintest disposition of being ‘our own’.


We take pride in anything and everything Kenyan; from the paunch enhancing diet of ‘nyama choma’ washed down with a pint of our finest export – Tusker, to the occasional frenzied 14-minute breakaway from our addiction to EPL soccer matches on TV to rout for Shujaa - our Sevens Rugby national team - whenever they are doing their rounds in the IRB Sevens Circuits, to those dizzying moments of glory when our world beating athletes show clean pairs of heels to the competition on track; such are the moments that defines Kenya as a nation.

It is worth recalling the euphoric outpouring of emotions that greeted the election and inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States as Kenya basked in the reflected glory of ‘one of our own’ taking the charge of the ‘most powerful nation on earth’. Ironically, this came closely in the wake of the infamous post-election violence that rocked the country following the disputed 2007 President Election. No wonder then now the ‘proud’ people of Kenya and their leaders feel slighted that President Obama has snubbed ‘land of his people’ in his forthcoming first official tour of Africa as President of the United States.

But as much as we relish those few memorable moments that temporarily give us a sense of nationhood, there is indeed very little from our multicultural social fabric to our diverse and breathtaking flora and fauna that really identifies Kenyans as a people. So much so that we continue to grapple with the one question of our ‘Kenyaness’ to the extent of that the ‘Kenyan Dream’ has turned out into the biggest lie ever told.

Renowned Nairobi lawyer and human rights activist, Njonjo Mue, perfectly captures this false sense of Kenyaness that every average Kenyan off the streets portends to subscribe to. In his article titled ‘Bless this our land nation’, published on 22nd January 2009, he wrote in part:

“….For in Kenya, we have loved lies more than truth. We have embraced the lie of individual prosperity and the lie of our tribal identities. And we have invented and believed in the lie of our greatness as a nation, while denying our state of terminal decay, or merely moaning endlessly about it without lifting a finger to address it….”

It is with this in mind that the recent launch of Brand Kenya came as a fresh breath of air to the many disillusioned patriotic citizens. Curiously, the venue of the launch was Nairobi’s Serena Hotel. This is the same place, where at the height Kenya’s worst ever national crisis in the early days of 2008, former United Nations boss Koffi Annan literally arm twisted representatives of the ‘warring’ political parties into signing an National Accord Agreement that gave way to the formation of the Grand Coalition Government that is presently in office. That the well attended occasion was given great publicity through live coverage by all the leading broadcasting houses in town was good thing in itself.


Brand Kenya - a well thought of and long overdue idea - is an initiative of the Ministry of Information and Communication. A reawakening of some sort to reevaluate our long lost sense nationhood, the venture also aims at positively marketing Kenya as a brand in itself. Recognizing the role and power of the media in our modern society, Brand Kenya’s flagship approach has been the airing of local programs in all the major TV channels aimed at sensitizing the public on the things that bind us together with a common purpose as a nation. Acknowledgement and appreciation of innovation from our players in both the public and private sector seems to be the underlying message here.

Though all the programs (Zinduka airing every Wednesday at 9:35pm on Citizen TV and Unfinished airing every Monday at 7:35pm on KBC) run under the same signature tag line, ‘Wakati ni Sasa’ (Now is the Time) one in particular, Kenya (which premiered last Tuesday at 9:35pm on KTN), embodies the essence of the Brand Kenya campaign. The show is fashioned in the form an outdoor corporate team building exercise with the eight participants representing the country’s eight Provinces. Short on talk and bereft of interviews, the show is purely a fun activity to the participants and viewers alike. What better way to promote the spirit national cohesion! Forget about that old and tired ‘Najivunia kuwa Mkenya’ (Am Proud to be Kenyan) campaign launched a couple of years ago by Dr. Alfred Mutua, that irksome Government Spokesperson who loves to pull goofy public stunts with his comical and often erratic weekly press releases. It’s a pity the poor fellow seems to find immense gratification in stating the ‘Government’s Official Position’ on anything and everything; even on the little matter of ownership of a tiny rocky acre of an obscure and remote island.

Just to revisit the things that we take pride in again, as our Sevens Rugby team Shujaa (Kiswahili word for Hero) jetted back last Tuesday to a low key reception, at the Jomo Kenyatta International Airport (JKIA), from their eight leg IRB Sevens Series one thing was clear though. After taking the scalp of all the big boys of Sevens Ruby this season, (South Africa, Fiji, England, New Zealand Australia and Argentina were all humbled by Shujaa) it’s undeniable that these are our best ambassadors. Such an irony that as Benjamin Ayimba’s boys were checking in on a chilly morning in Nairobi, only a few miles away across town, our national soccer team, the Harambee Stars, were staging a sit in at their Moi International Sports Centre (Kasarani) training camp over unpaid allowances. What apathy! With all these happenings barely 5 days before our epic clash with Nigeria in the 2010 FIFA World Cup qualifier, I cringe at every thought of the heavy spanking that awaits our boys on Sunday in Abuja at the hands of the high flying Super Eagles.


But I digress, all my conversations always tend to gravitate towards and around football - even when am speaking outside the confines of shabik. My apologies. So what need to be done now? Njonjo Mue summaries his article thus:

“….What are the dreams we have for this nation? What is our role in fulfilling these dreams? What can we do? In a very real way, recording these dreams, praying about them, preparing for them to come to pass is something we need to do individually and as a nation. These dreams are in every area of our lives – our families, our schools, our jobs, our courts, and our communities. Instead of seeking false comfort in the fact that ‘our own’ has become the President of the World, we should dream our own dreams and work to bring them to pass.…”

Perhaps the Brand Kenya Initiative is just one of the many ways that we can finally realize our long held dreams as a nation. Maybe that’s what the doctor just ordered for – just maybe.

PS: Wassup Redondo! This is meant to be your platform; kimya chako chatutia wasisi…. What’s cookin’ man?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

WHY I GAVE UP WATCHING NEWS

It’s a really depressing story. You get back home at the end of a long day, turn on the TV and stretch a leg on the couch in the hope of unwinding as you catch up on the latest goings-on. Instead what confronts you on the screen compounds your misery for the day.

If the lead story is not about a ‘peaceful’ students’ procession gone terribly awry, then surely its got to be a demonstration by matatu operators in some city route apparently in protest against Mungiki harassment. “Not again”, you sigh and mutter between your teeth.

Until her dramatic exit from the cabinet, the former Justice Minister had evolved into a sure bet for top news item. Atleast for now you can be spared what had become the all too familiar rhetoric verbal exchange between the ever frowning ‘iron lady’ and either the Attorney General or the Chief Justice.

But the worst case scenario is when our honorable law-makers resort to trading hate speeches that they are now well known for in public rallies.

Truth be told, these diversionary gimmicks are anything but news. Still, these stories end up hogging prime space on Prime Time News. Its said that when a dog bites a man, its not news. But when a man bites a dog… now that’s news! Tough choice, but you are stuck in it for a good one hour or so. Its useless channel-surfing; often, the same story will be running concurrently on all the other channels. The strong salient message; ‘Put up (with the boring news, of course) or shut up!’ And we keep whining that the western media portrays us in bad light through negative publicity?

By this time you are stiff bored and silently cursing. Unfortunately, the worst is yet to come. Call it the ‘global financial crisis’, ‘global credit crunch’, ‘global economic meltdown’ or the ‘global economic downturn’ - the metamorphosis is tremendous – but it all results in mundane Business News reporting. And why is that sports news and the weather report are always stashed at the bottom of the pile? When your convivial sports presenter finally shuffles in, time is almost up, and the poor fellow has to rush everything through his breath.

Even the weather forecast is no longer presented in the interactive style that made names like Wandimi Muchemi, Ayub Shaka and Nguatah Francis so popular. Its only Channel 1 that has kept faith with the human face despite toning down abit.

Things are not any better if you happen to be that late bird that frequently does the night shift. You’ll soon discover that there is really nothing to smile about in the morning. There is very little to choose between the various breakfast shows lining up your TV screen at that early hour. It doesn’t matters whether its ‘Sunrise Live’, ‘This Morning’, ‘Power Breakfast’ or ‘Good Morning Kenya’, rest assured that breakfast will be served cold by unassuming, unsmiling presenters mechanically doing a re-run of the Late Night News interspersed with frequent traffic updates. Yeah, same old, same old… the level of duplication is startling!

This may sound abit harsh, but let’s face it. News on TV is not news anymore. After putting up with it for far too long, I’ve finally been pushed to the brink. No more old news for me until our boring TV stations polish up their act.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

‘CAN U DANCE’ PREMIER SHOW WAS A SHAM!

After all the hype and publicity that preceded KTN’s second reality show, the premier episode of ‘Can U Dance’ was all but a sham. While everything from the venue’s stage setting to the production and presentation was way below par, I particularly take exception to hitherto impeccable Janet Mbugua’s disastrous performance on the day.

Janet gets all her lines wrong right from the start when she reveals that she is meant to introduce the program host at some point (presumably to hand over the show) but ends up running the entire show all by herself - and tragically so!

Then she goofs yet again when she blabbers that the prize money for the winning duo is Ksh. 100,000. A minute later the figure has suddenly doubled to Ksh. 200,000! Huh!! How so?

And she is not yet done with her amazing string of howlers for just one show. Inviting two anonymous contestants on the half-lit stage to dance to no music was too amateurish. Janet certainly belongs to that league of the exciting new faces that have lately taken over national TV screens but apparently someone didn’t realize quick enough that hosting a dance show isn’t her thing.

The whole thing was one colourless gig staged on a poorly lit stage. It was much harder telling whether the crowd in attendance at the Village Market was actually the contestants, the live audience or a curious mix of the two. Worse was the fact that the viewers were not even taken through systematic highlights of the vetting process during the auditions, just some halting clips that had been used to publicize the show the entire week.

And when the show came to an end it was so abrupt, viewers were left high and dry still wondering what that was all about. It all looked like an act hurriedly put up together in the wake of the Presenter’s immense success. The mistakes were all too glaring even for upstart showbiz critics like me. KTN and the show’s production crew urgently need to up their game on this one.